Why do people ask their partners how many people have you slept with? Will your partner tell the truth? Will your partners response change your opinion of them? Is this something you really want to know? What if she told you she has slept with 100+ men….are you now looking at the woman you have feelings for as a whore? I don’t think this question should be asked in a relationship. In my opinion the acceptable number of people for you to have slept with is the amount of people you felt comfortable sleeping with. As long as your disease free and staying faithful in the relationship how many people you have been with in your past shouldn’t matter. No one knows how many men I have been with because it’s not something I discuss.  It shouldn’t be a topic because I make whoever I am dealing with feel like he is the only one. So Ladies and Gentlemen, my question to my audience this week is: Will your partners response of asking how many people they have been with change your opinion of them? And who do you think has had more overall sexual partners, men or women?

Until Next Time,
Niccole
 
Picture this… You met someone a few weeks ago whom you find attractive, he has taken you out on a few dates and has invited you to his home a couple times. On this particular visit to his home, he decides to pour you a glass of wine, dim the lights and put on a movie. You are lying on his couch with your feet in his lap and he is gently rubbing your feet through a blanket. You are extremely attracted to his personality and good looks. You’re curious about what else he has to offer but your still getting to know him and don’t want to rush anything although everything inside of you is telling you to go for it. Do you make him wait to see what his intentions are, or do you give it up to satisfy your curiosity?

 So….How Soon Is Too Soon?

I have been asked this question by my friends and as a single woman who frequently dates I have also asked myself this question when it comes to having intimate relations with a new person.   This is a hard question to answer because in my opinion there is no correct answer. I think it depends on the people, the situation and your desired outcome. If you are looking at this man as someone who you could have a possible future with than you want him to respect you which means you should probably hold off. If you have no desired outcome and want to casually date than your expectations will not be as high.

‘Think Like A Man' has proven itself to be a Box Office hit raking in $33Million in its opening week. In the movie they touch on the infamous 90 Day Rule. The 90 Day Rule basically says that a woman should make a man wait 90 days before having sex. I have done this and was extremely disappointed that I waited 3 months, got to know him and the sex was wack. I felt as if my time was wasted because realistically I wasn’t going to be in a relationship with someone who could not please me and he didn’t want to just be friends. So is waiting 90 days a smart move? On the flip side, if you give it up too quickly then you’re looked at as easy and gossiped about. This is where the double standard comes into play. A man sleeping around with several women will get a pat on his back from his boys whereas a woman enjoying her single life is gossiped about endlessly. Even more amazing is the guy who sleeps with such a woman and labels her a hoe the next day while he acted in the same manner as she did. So the question is…To Wait or Not To Wait?

Until Next Time,
Niccole
 
I was recently told that I was acting bourgeois by a female acquaintance of mine because in conversation I stated that when I’m out with a man I don’t open doors.  She stated “Niccole you expect too much.” I was flabbergasted that this bird had the nerve to say that I set my standards too high because I expect for a man to open my door. Ladies, please be clear a man is supposed to open your doors, allow you to enter and leave elevators first and he is supposed to walk on the street side of the sidewalk.  This should not only be expected but is mandatory when taking someone like myself out.  I am a woman, not a girl or a teenager. I am not impressed by drug dealers or thugs. I am turned on by 401k’s and credit scores.  I don’t want a guy who flashes his money and makes it rain but a man who invests it and has a home and stock options.

I am surrounded by underachieving females who are just not on my level.  I often wonder if it is the area in which I live or if it is the urban culture that we now all live in. There is so much emphasis on body and not enough on brains. Women are dying getting bootleg surgery to make their asses bigger to satisfy what they think men want. When did a beautiful smile become obsolete and a fat ass and long weave became more attractive than a gorgeous face? Expect more from the man that you are dating, married to, have children with or sleeping with.  For the underachieving women who have multiple children, collecting benefits and wearing little to no clothing while posting pictures on Instagram…I expect nothing from you.  To all other woman, stop the foolishness. Stop giving it up so easily because he gave you a compliment.  Act like a lady and demand respect so that these men know that they need to be a gentleman at all times.  For the women like myself who have their life together and are beautiful, confident, strong and independent keep up the good work and continue to let the ratchets hate.

Until Next Time,

Niccole

 
Picture This…. You go to work every day and the handsome man who works a few floors below you starts to make eye contact with you. He is tall with dark wavy hair and is always dressed in tailor made suits. The looks turn into stares which eventually turn into conversation. He tells you how beautiful you are and how your confidence turns him on. He questions everything about you in an attempt to get to know you and be inside of your head.  He asks you on lunch dates that you decline because you have heard through the grapevine that he is a flirt however he is persistent and not taking no for an answer.  After a few emails have been exchanged and a lunch date or two he confesses that he is married but can’t deny his attraction to you. He tells you that he is not happy in his marriage and wants to explore other options however at no point does he discuss his intent to separate or divorce his wife.  He does discuss his desire for weekend getaways in an attempt to get to spend “private” time with you.  This man who you thought was charming and good looking is now looking like a golden retriever, a pit bull, a shih tzu- whichever you prefer but simply put this man is a dog. His charm and good looks give him the confidence to ask woman to be his mistress and you can tell that this man usually gets what he wants. 

I am fully aware of what I bring to the table. I will be 28 years old in September. I am educated with no children. I have my own place, my own car and a great job.  I am financially able to take care of my responsibilities while enjoying a few vacations every year. I am responsible, hardworking, good looking and fashionable. I would never knowingly agree to be a side chick which is why I had no hesitation in telling Mr. Smooth Talker to go to hell. What I don’t understand is why woman agree to being secondary? Is it low self- esteem, lack of love growing up or is she just an attention whore? What would make any woman agree to lying down with a man that you know is going to go home and do the same thing with his girlfriend or wife? She gets the title and all you get is hidden affection. Even if he left his woman for you, who’s to say, he won’t do the same thing to you with the next pretty face that comes along.  I have seen messy situations on Facebook with jump-offs bragging about being the jump off. What kind of world are we living in where anyone would be comfortable promoting their slutty ways? Ladies, please respect yourself and your bodies, know your worth. Know that you’re more than a jump off. Set your standards high and let a man prove to you that he is worthy of your affection.  And don’t forget about Karma, she is ugly and when she does come around, she hits hard and strong.

Until Next Time,
Niccole

 
Lies pertain to falsehood. A lie is a false statement made with a deliberate intention by someone who knows that it is not the truth. No one likes to be lied to but what if it’s a small lie or a lie that is being told to avoid someone’s feelings getting hurt? Is it ever ok to tell a lie? My mom always told me that honesty is the best policy so I have lived most of my adult life as an honest person. I try to be upfront and straightforward because I’ve found that lying is just too much work.  A lie is usually followed by a series of lies to cover the original lie which can get messy not to mention if the truth is ever discovered you’re labeled a liar. I recently found myself in a compromising situation with someone I care about. I left out pertinent information which turned into a lie. If I was honest I risked this person becoming upset, his feelings possibly hurt and him maybe even distancing himself from me over something that I couldn’t change so I left out certain details. I did this not because I’m an asshole but because he wouldn’t understand where I was coming from, so leaving out those details made it easier.  I felt guilty about not being honest to him especially because I pride myself in being an honest person. In my mind not telling the whole truth was me trying to protect his feelings but in reality was just me being selfish. So... if you’re telling a lie to avoid hurting the feelings of someone you care about does that make telling the lie ok?  What if you have a friend who is overweight and she is wearing something that you wouldn’t necessarily wear and she asks you if she looks good. Do you tell this friend no and you probably need to lose about 20lbs or do you lie and say you look great to avoid her already low self-esteem from declining even further? We have all told white lies, but a lie is still a lie, excuses are the best friend of a lie and leaving information out is the brother of a lie. They are all related and all no good.  
To the person I lied to…If you’re reading this (which you better be!) I apologize for not being honest. I was coming from a good place but I take responsibility for my actions and glad that you were able to forgive me, it won’t happen again.

Word of advice from someone who has been caught in a lie: Be Honest…it’s just so much easier

Until Next Time,
Niccole

 

The title of my post is inspired by the classic whodini song. Everyone has friends, so asking how many of us have them is a dumb question, or is it?

What exactly is a friend? The dictionary defines a friend as a person whom one knows, likes and trusts. Seems simple enough but let's explore those three elements. To know someone is not as simple as meeting them or working with them. To know someone means you know what makes them happy, sad, mad etc. You know parts of their past and their aspirations for the future. To like someone means that despite their shortcomings you still enjoy the time that you spend with that person. The things that annoy you about that person you accept because you like them and enjoy being around them. Last but certainly not least, the most important part of a friendship is the trust factor. Can you trust this person with even the juiciest piece of gossip? Can you trust that this person will be there for you when you need them? Does this person lie? Knowing someone, liking someone and trusting them makes for a successful friendship. We have all had people come in and out of our lives that we thought were friends but were not, and it was probably because one of these elements were missing. So often people confuse friends and acquaintances. Most of the people I know are my acquaintances. Before considering someone my friend I ask myself would this person do for me what I would do for them?  If it's a simple yes than great but if I need to think about it then maybe this person is better off being just someone I say hi and bye to. I once had someone who I thought was my friend. She used to always comment on how much of a strong and independent woman I was and how she wished she could break away from her situation and be more like myself. Unfortunately her admiration turned into jealousy at which point she became my frenemy which is a dangerous person to have in your circle. 

I have been blessed to have great friends. I know a lot of people but I can count my true friends on my hand. They accept me for who and what I am and vice versa. Just because you grew up with someone or work with them everyday doesn't make them your friend. Make wise decisions and trust who you talk to because its a small world. 

Until next time 
Niccole
 
Love Vs. Lust

The dictionary defines “love” as: to feel tender affection for somebody and defines “lust” as: the strong physical desire to have sex with somebody. Two different words with completely different meanings often confused with one another. Synonyms of the word love: worship, adore, be devoted to; synonyms of the word lust: desire, yearn, long for.

Have you ever had a man that looked so good that you thought you were in love although his looks were the only thing that he was bringing to the table? How about a man that put it down so good that you knew he was the one that you wanted to spend your life with although he already has a few children and drama with his baby momma? Ever find yourself accepting treatment that you wouldn’t normally accept from an average guy that you will accept from “that” guy because he looks so damn good, makes money or has a diamond encrusted dick and tongue of gold? Do you find yourself settling for someone who doesn’t have the most desirable situation thinking that he is worth the hassle because of the materialistic items that he can afford you or the orgasms he gives you?

Why is it that most women confuse love with lust? You are not in love with him, you’re in love with how he makes you feel when he is licking, sticking or opening his wallet. When he is not doing those few key things…is he really worth your time? I thought I was in love with someone but I realized I was in lust with his penis. When we weren’t in bed he had nothing to offer me that I NEEDED. He didn’t uplift me, motivate me or make me a better woman. I am now in a situation where I’m not sure if it’s love or lust. It’s been a rollercoaster ride getting to where we are currently.  Imagine an old wooden rickety rollercoaster at an amusement park. We took the extremely slow incline up and now I’m about to experience the thrill of not knowing what’s next. Will I enjoy the ride, sit in the front with my hands in the air or will I throw up and never want to take the ride again and be pissed that I wasted my tickets? I consider myself to be an intelligent woman  so WHY do I get these two confused? I mean, I do know the difference….don’t I?